Will Work For Food

Unemployment sucks ass. Ok, let me back up. The past three weeks were tough. My very small company decided to eliminate important people and see how strong they were surviving on their own. The first collection of synapses in my brain (after the initial OH SHIT) reflected an image of me holding a cardboard sign on the highway or starting a food drive in my name.

I decided to reflect on the things I've learned in this brief time period other than I'm capable of crying 10 times in 21 days. Previous cry sessions equated to 10 times in 29 years so that's impressive. I had no idea I was that sensitive. Yikes. Go me!

- You can be unemployed and still be considered a "catch"

- There are jobs out there. If you're educated and can't find one, you're too lazy. Yeah, I said it.

- The System works! $378 a week is insane but temporarily awesome.

- Be able to laugh at yourself. Better yet...while on the VEC site and after selecting Hispanic, yell out to your Mother "This can't be good for MY PEOPLE."

- The Dollar Menu Diet is not the answer.

- Coupons are.

- Let your parents tell the whole family what happened. You get unexpected presents and everyone hugs you.

- Your dog will never judge you.

- When a guy friend asks you to go to a strip club with him, he's not suggesting you put in an application there.

- Be sure to speak to all your friends at least once a day. I mean, hell... you have the time. Who cares if they're busy. They should understand a life crisis. You would for them!

- Wear a shirt from UVA when walking into the unemployment office. Just sayin.

- Certain orders from a certain Passion Party and a bowl of Mac and Cheese can make everything better even if it's only for a few minutes

- Be sure to have those items delivered to your friend's house. Less explaining to do.

- You will be completely out of the loop if you only check your email once a day. Worst of all, jokes aren't that funny when you make comments back 8 hours later.

- It's important to be nice to all of your BFF's ex boyfriend's old girlfriends. Trust me. You never know who's involved in making the decision to hire you.

- Run around the house the day you get two vital pieces in the mail... an offer letter and your check from the VEC. Both are stellar.

- Your friends and family will always be there for you. Just be sure to listen to their "tragic" stories too and sympathize even if they're miniscule compared to your situation at that particular moment.

- 2009 is gonna be way more kick ass. Have no regrets.