Love is a Battlefield

Jump right into my nightmare, the water is warm. I made a couple promises to blog about Friday’s date. The girls preferred a camera crew follow me around but that might have made things weird…just speculating. Anyhow, I had a date with a guy I met the weekend before. Yes, me... and not the kind where you meet up with him at a bar with your friends or after 2am. I met him the weekend before at a bar. He approached me and we started talking. I don’t know if it was the FIVE double vodka/club sodas on an empty stomach or our conversation that sparked my interest. He told me how he wanted to take me to Dubai this summer (I believe he said "I'm taking you to Dubai but first you have to tell me where I'm taking you on our first date") and how he’s inviting himself on my trips to the Bahamas and Italy. Whoah Nelly, ease the eff up. I should have known from the thin gold necklace hidden under the collar of his shirt that it would never work out. Major fashion faux paus in my book but I figured it was a new year and I should step out of my comfort zone and open up to new things. Oh yeah, did I mention he went to FSU? Two pre-STRIKES. Anyhow, we talked the next day and he came up with the idea to take me to have a couple drinks at his place then walk across the street to see a comedy show. Sounds simple enough.

I’ll admit I was kind of nervous at first. I mean, I really didn’t know this guy. I walked in and was pleasantly surprised. Two positive points: He was a little cuter than I remembered AND bought vodka/club soda ahead of time to serve me. We started talking about the most random things and after one drink, I felt a little more relaxed. He asked me my opinion on how to decorate his new place. If he knew anything about me, he would know I can’t match colors but whatever. It kind of bothered me he dumped ice on the floor of his freezer on purpose to store it. I mean, maybe it wouldn't have bothered me if I hadn't taken 2 semesters of Micro/ Food Microbiology with labs in college... that's some serious cross contamination in the making. I tried to block out the image of burger meat in his freezer dripping on my ice.... Ugh, no dice.

We did have the same interest in studying the universe, black holes and psychology. Apparently, he’s an ENTJ too but I didn’t have immediate access to the internet and wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. Reminds me, I should look that up today. I told him the book I wanted to read, “A Brief History of Time” and he just happened to have it and let me borrow it. Too bad he followed that up with, "I think I deserve a kiss on the cheek for that one." Instead, I immediately shoved a cracker with hummus in my mouth.

This guy wasn’t so bad. That is until we started talking about movie and music interests. I didn’t want the conversation to die so I turned into the sorority girl in rush asking random conversation starters like “Top 5 favorite movies. No explanation. Go.” He told me his and they seemed legit although I’d never actually seen 4 outta the 5. He turned the question on me and of course without hesitation I responded, “Love Actually, Bridget Jones’ Diary, Someone like You, Wedding Crashers and Old School.” STRIKE 1: He quickly informed me my movie choice sucks and it’s obvious I’ve never seen a quality film. OUCH. BURN. SLAM. SNAPS.

So on to the comedy club we go. We stood in line about 20 minutes before the show when STRIKE 2 occurred. He made a joke about us and our children in the future. I mean, are you serious? Wow. I was speechless. Praise the Lord the show was about to start. Side note: The show was awesome and I laughed my ass off.

Now on to STRIKE 3: After the show, we walked back to his place to have one more drink before I jetted. I told him ahead of time (because I’m GENIUS and clearly the smartest woman alive... for the sake of the story) I had to be home early to get up and train for my half marathon. It was my out in the event it was needed. In summary, it was much needed.

The second we walk in he asks if I was enjoying myself because it didn’t seem like I was, why I agreed to go out with him, why I look freaked out when he sat near me, why I wasn’t laughing at his jokes, why I wouldn't consider forming a Bookclub with just him and I, why Sex and the City is one of my favorite shows (he made sure to tell me how much he hates it), why I think my friends are going to always be around, why I won't try to eat the cracker with both hummus and the cheese on it, why I’m going to the Bahamas and not to a cooler place? Can I count those as STRIKES 4-infinity please? My first instinct was to yell “Say something funny and maybe I’ll laugh” but instead simply replied “I’m not really an emotionally expressive person but am having a great time.” WHITE LIE ALERT. Please note if I like an idea I'll proceed to do back handsprings with sparklers on all limbs.

Oh, on top of it all he didn’t know what a blog was, how to text message or use instant message. I know they say Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Maybe it’s just that his planet isn’t as technologically advanced as mine. At this point, it was like kicking a dead horse.

I was annoyed and mentally exhausted. I give up. Send in the troops! “Dear God, make me a bird…so I could fly far… far far away from here.”

“I’ll send an S.O.S. to the world. I hope that someone gets my…message in the bottle (yeah)”

Sorry, lost focus. So he walked me to my car and went on to his previously practiced in the mirror speech on how he thinks I’m beautiful, intellectual…had so much fun with me… blah blah blah… and wants me to know the ball is in my court with regard to us spending more time together. Umm, DUH! Thanks for the heads up. Like I wasn’t aware the ball was in my court. Ok, I’m clearly being a bitch. Anyhow, I drove home and swan dove into bed. He called my phone to make sure I got home ok, but I ignored it. I’ll later tell him I was passed out and didn’t see the missed call til the morning. Still trying to devise a plan to return his book (which of course, I read the whole thing instantly the next morning)… I might need to dial a friend on this one for advice. Moral of the story: He clearly wasn't Mr Right or Mr Right Now.p right into my nightmare, the water is warm. I made a couple promises to blog about Friday’s date. The girls preferred a camera crew follow me around but that might have made things weird…just speculating. Anyhow, I had a date with a guy I met the weekend before. Yes, me. A real live date… and not the kind where you meet up with him at a bar with your friends or after 2am. I was thinking about the last time I had a date with a guy I didn’t know and remembered back about 3 years ago. Did I mention I only guys I'm friends with? So much easier really with better results. Anyhow, on two other occasions I went out with a guy I had just met. One took me to a VT Football game... aka the fastest way to my heart. We dated about a year and still remain very close to this day. The other took me hiking in the Shenandoah Valley with bottles of wine and a picnic basket. I’m kind of a hopeless romantic and it was fabulous except I knew within 1 minute of meeting up with him I would forever cast him into my friend pile. I do that… I can tell within minutes whether or not the guy could be a potential suitor for me. Oh well. I’m sure he’s recovered by now.

Ok, back to this guy. So I met him the weekend before at a bar. He approached me and we started talking. I don’t know if it was the FIVE double vodka/club sodas on an empty stomach or our conversation that sparked my interest. He told me how he wanted to take me to Dubai this summer (I believe he said "I'm taking you to Dubai but first you have to tell me where I'm taking you on our first date") and how he’s inviting himself on my trips to the Bahamas and Italy. Whoah Nelly, ease the eff up. I should have known from the thin gold necklace hidden under the collar of his shirt that it would never work out. Major fashion faux paus in my book but I figured it was a new year and I should step out of my comfort zone and open up to new things. Oh yeah, did I mention he went to FSU? Two pre-STRIKES. Anyhow, we talked the next day and he came up with the idea to take me to have a couple drinks at his place then walk across the street to see a comedy show. Sounds simple enough.

I’ll admit I was kind of nervous at first. I mean, I really didn’t know this guy. I walked in and was pleasantly surprised. Two positive points: He was a little cuter than I remembered AND bought vodka/club soda ahead of time to serve me. We started talking about the most random things and after one drink, I felt a little more relaxed. He asked me my opinion on how to decorate his new place. If he knew anything about me, he would know I can’t match colors but whatever. It kind of bothered me he dumped ice on the floor of his freezer on purpose to store it. I mean, maybe it wouldn't have bothered me if I hadn't taken 2 semesters of Micro/ Food Microbiology with labs in college... that's some serious cross contamination in the making. I tried to block out the image of burger meat in his freezer dripping on my ice.... Ugh, no dice.

We did have the same interest in studying the universe, black holes and psychology. Apparently, he’s an ENTJ too but I didn’t have immediate access to the internet and wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. Reminds me, I should look that up today. I told him the book I wanted to read, “A Brief History of Time” and he just happened to have it and let me borrow it. Too bad he followed that up with, "I think I deserve a kiss on the cheek for that one." Instead, I immediately shoved a cracker with hummus in my mouth.

This guy wasn’t so bad. That is until we started talking about movie and music interests. I didn’t want the conversation to die so I turned into the sorority girl in rush asking random conversation starters like “Top 5 favorite movies. No explanation. Go.” He told me his and they seemed legit although I’d never actually seen 4 outta the 5. He turned the question on me and of course without hesitation I responded, “Love Actually, Bridget Jones’ Diary, Someone like You, Wedding Crashers and Old School.” STRIKE 1: He quickly informed me my movie choice sucks and it’s obvious I’ve never seen a quality film. OUCH. BURN. SLAM. SNAPS.

So on to the comedy club we go. We stood in line about 20 minutes before the show when STRIKE 2 occurred. He made a joke about us and our children in the future. I mean, are you serious? Wow. I was speechless. Praise the Lord the show was about to start. Side note: The show was awesome and I laughed my ass off.

Now on to STRIKE 3: After the show, we walked back to his place to have one more drink before I jetted. I told him ahead of time (because I’m GENIUS and clearly the smartest woman alive... for the sake of the story) I had to be home early to get up and train for my half marathon. It was my out in the event it was needed. In summary, it was much needed.

The second we walk in he asks if I was enjoying myself because it didn’t seem like I was, why I agreed to go out with him, why I look freaked out when he sat near me, why I wasn’t laughing at his jokes, why I wouldn't consider forming a Bookclub with just him and I, why Sex and the City is one of my favorite shows (he made sure to tell me how much he hates it), why I think my friends are going to always be around, why I won't try to eat the cracker with both hummus and the cheese on it, why I’m going to the Bahamas and not to a cooler place? Can I count those as STRIKES 4-infinity please? My first instinct was to yell “Say something funny and maybe I’ll laugh” but instead simply replied “I’m not really an emotionally expressive person but am having a great time.” WHITE LIE ALERT. Please note if I like an idea I'll proceed to do back handsprings with sparklers on all limbs.

Oh, on top of it all he didn’t know what a blog was, how to text message or use instant message. I know they say Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Maybe it’s just that his planet isn’t as technologically advanced as mine. At this point, it was like kicking a dead horse.

I was annoyed and mentally exhausted. I give up. Send in the troops! “Dear God, make me a bird…so I could fly far… far far away from here.”

“I’ll send an S.O.S. to the world. I hope that someone gets my…message in the bottle (yeah)”

Sorry, lost focus. So he walked me to my car and went on to his previously practiced in the mirror speech on how he thinks I’m beautiful, intellectual…had so much fun with me… blah blah blah… and wants me to know the ball is in my court with regard to us spending more time together. Umm, DUH! Thanks for the heads up. Like I wasn’t aware the ball was in my court. Ok, I’m clearly being a bitch. Anyhow, I drove home and swan dove into bed. He called my phone to make sure I got home ok, but I ignored it. I’ll later tell him I was passed out and didn’t see the missed call til the morning. Still trying to devise a plan to return his book (which of course, I read the whole thing instantly the next morning)… I might need to dial a friend on this one for advice. Moral of the story: He clearly wasn't Mr Right or Mr Right Now.