I don’t want to read about the following on your Facebook status message:
• The day you child makes their first poo all by themselves. While important to you, that just grosses me out. My mind may change down the road (NOT) but even so, I still won’t share that information with my 500+ friends. Why? Well, because no one but YOU, YOUR HUSBAND and probably the Grandparents care... nor want to read that while drinking their morning coffee. Praise your toddler in person. They can't read your Facebook status anyway.
• How much your life sucks. I mean, I can handle the occasional “Ugh” or “Bad day today” but keep your “Worst year of my life” and “No one loves me” status out of my sight. Please save that for your shrink.
• That it’s time to pump your milk. SERIOUSLY, you just landed yourself a ticket out of my Newsfeed.
• What you eat every meal. If I started doing that to you, your head would spin and that’s just because I snack my face off all day. Tell us all about some crazy exotic food you tried or that you have a craving for pizza… not about how you ate a box of Wheaties and now you’re a champion.
• Anything politically motivated unless Obama and Michelle came and watched your kickball game.
• Anything religiously motivated unless you visited somewhere historic or witnessed a miracle. I DO want to hear all about Jesus or Buddha appearing in your toast… bc that IS kinda cool.
• How trashed you get every night. That’s really sweet and all but save that for your AA support group. They would love to hear all about it.
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